it has been a while since...

huhuhu...it has been a while since my last journal. i have been quite busy lately with class, unfinished assignment, activities,,huh..thats the life as student..few weeks ago i was struggling to forget my past and start a new life. so now im starting my new life with an awkward and unbelieveable beginning. but i love it though because it gives me new light, making my garden blooming with beautiful flowers..hahha...during my blog off day, i had decide not again to talk or share my past as it only make and will create more problems in my life. as for more, past is past, no u-turn in life..life must go on without the past blocking your way.. the earlier of the year, i kept on telling to myself and my buddy how unlucky this year going to be for me,..yeah at the first month, i was having a really bad luck in my life. but starting with the new february, everything is changing slowly..and everything including my broken heart getting to recover, all the pain started to vanished, all the sadness starting to cure turning its shape its colour into new happy scene and feeling..but i know it would not be the same always,it will not remain in the same happy condition, it will change and there is high possible it will return turning back to the old sadness colour of life..and yet i couldn't give up, i should and never should let it control my feeling my life though how hard i have to try..
Recently, i met a new guy friend from facebook, he is another nice guy but lately it really hard for me to trust any guy or to believe in what they said as i actually and honestly im having phobia in deep of my self, a phobia of being hurt again deeply till you could feel your heart crying more then your eyes pouring tears onto your checks...im now confuse of what should i do, i really dont know what to do, i dont know when and what will finally will make me trust guy in my life again...i wish god show me the direction, wishing him build a big sign board telling me which direction should i follow so that i dont fall into the big horrified hole again...